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“MERRILL LYNCH IS THE FUCKING BULL, BABY!”

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TIDE: Keepin’ Your Shit Clean Since 1889

Werther’s: Unwrap the Good Ole Days

JERGENS & Semen: Clear Up Unsightly Blackheads!

REEBOK: Makes Every Part of Your Body Feel Good!

THE AMAZING INTERVIEW THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING

DIAL ANTIBACTERIAL SOAP: Wipe the shit off your dick!